Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
