She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
