Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize