Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
