Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize