hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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