I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
