yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
