You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
