he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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