is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
