Barsexuality is the new black.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
