Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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