Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
