If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
