McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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