I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
