Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
