there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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