Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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