I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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