This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize