Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
