dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
