she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
