using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
