my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
