I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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