Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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