I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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