If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
