Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
