Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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