I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
