How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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