Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
