You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
