Fuck appropriateness.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
