He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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