Midget sex pt 2 tonight
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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