can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So much Jack, so little girl.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
