people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
