Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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