clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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