whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
