This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
