I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
