he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize