Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
