i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
