Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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