You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
