forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
