dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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