I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
