I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
