everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
