just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
