You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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