Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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