i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
