Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
