I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize