he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
