pop tarts are not kleenex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
