have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
