I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
