so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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