I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
