You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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