I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
