I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
