if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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