i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
