hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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