I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
