I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
