I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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