kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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