We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
