I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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