If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize