That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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