I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
