It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
