well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
