This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
