She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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