Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
