I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Panties = found
Randomize
