i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize